AG Foghorn Leghorn Beauregard Sessions Recuses Himself from Everything. The AG will no longer be involved in any legal matters concerning the US Government. Stating "I don't really know anything about lawyerin and it's pretty complicated. This will free me up for my real job, covering up crap for the President and boy that's become a full time job. I tried to resign but the President said I was his second favorite lap dog and scratched me behind my ears, I really like that. I'm referring all legal matters to the Assistant AG Rod something or other. He seems to understand this legal mumbo-jumbo or he says he does. You know he's from New York."
Are We Living in a Short-Circuited Matrix? A woman named Reality Winner is arrested for leaking classified info, no joke, that's her name. Is Donald Trump really President? What's next a man named Poorly Vetted becomes National Security Adviser or a woman named Forked Tongue becomes Press Secretary? I been thinking the glitches were just on my TV but maybe the Matrix is coming apart. I know one thing if Keanu Reeves shows up anywhere my head is going to explode.
Tiger Woods to Buy Self-Driving SUV. Woods is in talks with Google to build him what he calls the Stuper Mobile. A rig to chauffeur him around town when he gets blitzed on his pain meds. Tiger blamed his DUI on an unexpected reaction to prescription medication. Meaning he took a fist full of pills and unexpectedly woke up in jail. Woods has won Fourteen Major Golf Championships, the last several while being high as a kite on his "meds", so look out Golf world Tiger Woods is back and he has the munchies. Can high dollar hookers be far behind?